Birthday anti-clubbing

The Birthday Girl herself

Before Christmas my little sister Rachel - commonly known as Roy - turned 18. She hates clubbing so wasn't about to spend her first night as a legal drinker crawling around the sticky dancefloor of Embargo or -god forbid- the brand new Bodo's Schloss which just opened down the road. Not for her a bobsleigh and jumping up and down to Gangham style. Though I admit to me it sounds fairly appealing.

We decided the best thing to celebrate therefore would be to rip all the furniture out of the house, pile it up downstairs and replace it with long trestle tables to seat 25 of her closest friends. She roped me in to do the cooking.

Cooking for 25 people is no joke. It is mass catering. In our boxy kitchen it becomes a logistical nightmare. The solution? Don't involve the stove. Once the stove is involved its all over. You've lost. Give up.

Involve the nice oven and dependable countertops instead - because if you leave them be for a while they wont have an actual hissy fit.

Krells young and old (left-right) surrounded by BOYS BOYS BOYS.

I actually thought the end result was quite elegant, both practically and gastronomically. Though I say so myself.

Slow Roast Pork Shoulder with crackling

You need 2 large pork shoulders for 25 people, I reckon. It doesn't sound like very much, but when there are a lot of people they seem to eat less. We had plentiful leftovers, which I'll get to in another post.

I would also say that, if you can, try and buy some extra pork rind for more crackling. Everyone loves crackling, and your butcher should you have one should be happy to give it to you for next to nothing. Failing that, try Morrisons, strangely enough.

To make good crackling you need salt - sea salt. Either fine or maldon, it doesnt matter. Rub it well into the scored rind and leave it uncovered for as long as you can - an hour is great, 15 minutes is fine. Come back and wipe away the water that has come to the surface of the rind using kitchen towel.

 Now re-salt (not too much) and spice-rub your rind and pork. I always use the same flavours with pork - spicy aniseedy flavours, they just work with the rich meat so well.

A tablespoon of each per shoulder -
Caraway Seeds
Cumin Seeds
Red chilli flakes
Fennel seeds
Pepper

Star Anise (2 per shoulder)
Garlic cloves, bruised if you can be bothered (just throw half a dozen or so in the roasting tray)

I also like to slice up lots of onions and put them under the meat, so that later you have an sauce. And I throw in a lemon and its zest if there's one lying around.

You really don't need any oil.

Put this all in a really hot oven (220-230C) and leave for about 30-40 minutes until the rind has started to blister and crackle. then turn the oven right down to 170C and leave it for ever. 5 hours I did, it could've stayed longer. Baste it occasionally if you want. You really don't need to.

If by the time the five hours is up you feel your crackling could be cracklier, give it another blast at 230. Sometimes I use the grill to do this final blast.

You don't even need to carve this, it should be so meltingly tender that you should only need two forks to pull it apart, and, if you've done your job well, a sledge hammer to break up the crackling. If not a big knife or rolling pin will do.

Then strain off the fat in the pan (there will be alot) and put the oniony juices into big gravy boats, to be spooned over the meat at will.

Table detritus

Now all you need are some salads to go with it - enter the countertop.

Two Attractive Salads

Involve lentils - they are just so nice with pork, ask any Italian. Buy them ready cooked and vacuum packed. (Remember - do not involve the stove). Merchant Gourmet and Waitrose do them, nice puy lentils. Then I added some jarred roasted peppers, drained and chopped up, and some sundried tomatoes, and plenty of herbs - parsley, chives and coriander. If you have the time and patience, chargrill some chopped raddiccio and add it in for some bitterness. Throw in any nuts you have hanging around -- use this opportunity to get rid of all the half empty packets of nuts you have in the cupboard. Then dress it in all lemon or balsamic and a little olive oil. You want a fairly sharp dressing to cut through the richness of the accompanying meat.

One more salad I think -- an aesthetically pleasing one. I did one with Chicory, baby spinach and pomegranate seeds, and some very thinly sliced orange. I dressed it in a mixture of lemon juice, orange juice and walnut oil - I always think olive oil tastes a little funny with fruit.



There you have it - an attractive supper that won't leave you feeling bloated or lethargic. Perhaps thats why the party lasted until five in the morning. Bodo's Schloss eat your heart out.

I wish we had more pictures of the food but we're novices at this. In some pictures you can just about see the salads. But the cake is wholly more exciting and pleasing to look at. It was a rainbow oreo cake, in case you're wondering.

This insane cake was baked by the ridiculously talented Scarlett Curtis. I am no baker myself, and the whole thing puzzles and amazes me in equal measure. 

HOW?!?!

RAINBOWz





Love the Krells x

#studentlyf

Its been a few months now since I've been back in university. For the first time I'm living in a house with no one to look after me but myself. And my house mates, who actually tried to ground me the other day (ha.)

People that aren't your family are very different from your family. Thats the first thing to be learned -- I think. Especially if you havent lived with people before. People are odd. Especially young people. Especially students. They have strange habits and tics and you will probably find them disgusting, just as disgusting, in fact, as they find you.

 One of my housemates happily left the house one morning without emptying the bucket of vomit beside her bed she'd managed to fill the previous evening. When the technician came round to sort out the boiler and ventured into her room...well, the shit hit the fan. Or sick, rather. And yet that same girl would shudder at the idea that someone could eat sardines straight out of the tin, or go without changing the sheets for more than a week.

Try not to let people get on your nerves. Easier said than done. Get out of the house for a bit. Even an hour or two away from that person helps massively. Yoga too. Do Yoga. Everyone should do Yoga if they want to stop being pissed off with someone.

Anyway, there have been a few nice recipes that I have picked up from my housemates. I will post pictures when a) I find my iPhone (left it in a club), b) i find a memory card for my handheld camera or c) i find the charger for my SLR. None of which I can manage to locate at the moment. Technology sucks.

Every student has a housemate who eats the same things day in, day out. That's the story with one of mine. She's a good cook but hasn't the money or time to be thinking up varied, exotic dinners for herself. For breakfast she'll have scrambled eggs; for lunch she'll have pasta or eggs, or maybe some rice, and for supper she'll have pasta with eggs, or perhaps some egg-fried rice.  She doesn't get bored - why? Because she always has some tasty essentials on hand - generally in the form of onions, soy sauce and cream cheese. The holy trinity of supermarket staples in her book. I'm jealous of her minute food bills and of course the food on her plate, so I begged her to teach me her simplistic, frugal and ultimately satisfying culinary ways.

 Spinach and Sweetcorn pasta

She taught me this last night. Its. so. tasty. Don't be put off by the questionable-sounding ingredients list. Just trust me, or rather, trust her. I did, and now I don't want to eat anything else ever again. This would be a great thing to feed your children when you're left in the lurch, as technically, provided you have a well stocked freezer/cupboard, the only fresh ingredient you need is cream cheese. The soy sauce imparts a deep savoury flavour but don't worry, its not all chinesey or fusiony (I cant stand fusion food) -- its just comforting and moreish. I think brown rice pasta works nicely with this - it makes it even less 'fusion' and a lighter dish than your standard penne.

Serves 1 (obviously)

75g brown rice penne or other short pasta
Half a white onion
1 clove garlic
1 tbs cream cheese
2-3 tbs soy sauce
1 tbs olive oil
2 handfuls fresh or 4 balls frozen spinach (defrosted in the microwave), finely chopped
3-4 tbs sweetcorn, tinned or frozen
Black pepper
Dried birdseye chilli (optional)

1. Put your pasta on to boil in plenty of salted water, according to packet instructions
2. Finely chop the garlic and onion.
3. Gently fry the onion in plenty of olive oil until soft and starting to caramelise. Add the garlic and fry for another minute.
4. Add the soy sauce and a few tablespoons of pasta water and bring to a bubble until the sauce has reduced.
5. Add the cream cheese and melt in to make a creamy sauce.
6. Add the vegetables and cook for a further minute, along with a little more water. You want a creamy but plentiful sauce.
7. Toss the pasta through the sauce and add plenty of black pepper, a little more olive oil and maybe some crumbled dried chilli if you're so inclined. INHALE